Have a Brew With Beth

Hi everyone!

How’s everyone doing?This is the weirdest time of our life and I hope it’ll be the worst thing we experience and there isn’t more to come from this mad world. I hope you’re all coping well and finding ways to stay sane and upbeat.

I thought I’d been doing ok because I don’t constantly feel like crap, but just because it’s not as severe as my really bad days doesn’t equal coping! I’m not speaking to my friends, not making an effort with Darren or even taking care of myself. I’m doing my work day, going down stairs when finished and watching some mind numbing tv for a couple of hours before going to bed. Basically, just existing.

So I decided to have a little me time this morning. Taking an extra 10 minutes in the shower to sing my heart out, taking the time to dry and straighten my hair. Do my favourite thing & play with some make-up & finally wear some of my maternity clothes that I bought. I even guilted Darren into take some cute pics.

Everyone keeps saying how different life is going to be when baby gets here – I don’t doubt it! But this was meant to be the time I could just be me and do normal things; spend uninterrupted time with my friends. Go take my laptop to a coffee shop and work some more on my writing. Go on dates with Darren which we have never done often enough. And now time is just dwindling away with those options becoming less likely.

I truly appreciate that people are going through a horrific time right now, working on the frontline or losing loved ones and not being able to be there with them and this seems so trivial to complain about! But I’m also a firm believer that everyone is allowed to feel as they do, and constantly comparing situations isn’t healthy for anyone; it will breed anger, bitterness, self-hate and generally be detrimental for all. So if you’re feeling a little low right now and feel selfish about it because ‘it’s not as bad as others have it’ – allow it!!! The worse you feel about feeling bad, the longer it will continue because it’s a vicious cycle. Now probably isn’t the best time to beat yourself up. It’s hard because for so many of us, our coping strategies are out there. Whether you refocus by going for a swim, socialising, having some form of physical contact etc – they are no longer options so let’s just be kind to everyone but most importantly, ourselves!

Please look after yourself and most importantly – don’t just exist. There is a way to properly live through this bizarre time, it’s just about navigating through the madness and discovering exactly how we can do that. I’m going to start by cooking some lovely food and setting the table up like we’re in a restaurant for a faux date night because it’s better than nothing! Keep safe everyone & to all of the people who are going out everyday to work on the frontline (in whatever field), thank you! X

Hi you lovely lot!

I’ve let myself get woefully out of routine… again. And I have been wanting to post for ages but felt a bit like how do I get back into it?! One answer and one answer only – just do it, you dope!

Today I wanted to do the post that’s been needing to be done since August. A little update on my dad and our search for the lovely chaps who helped us.

First off, I want everyone to know that my dad has given me his permission to post this. I was accused of using his accident as a popularity tactic, but that was the opinion of a couple of strangers; I would only have been hurt by that if it was thought by the people who I love. I would never go behind his back to do this, especially not for a few likes.

I have wrote this post many times over. And truthfully, the earlier drafts are laced with negativity. I can’t bear to read them because they just ooze with sadness and shock. Truth be told, we got lucky. My dad is still here. He survived this awful accident and even though life will change for him – and us – he will be able to see and share our achievements. He’ll be able to cuddle and support us through the inevitable bad things that happen in life and I will be forever grateful for that. It just took a while to rationalise. Sometimes it’s human nature to focus on what’s lost and not what you still have.

I find it very upsetting that, unfortunately, we did not find Christian and his friends. We all just wanted to give you a hug & say thank you. Thank you for being there at the worst moment of my life. Thank you for jumping to help a stranger (without a split seconds hesitation might I add) who was in need. I completely froze and just stared at the horror scene in front of me and there just aren’t words to express my thanks and unconditional love for you as humans. I can’t buy you that pint or give you that hug, but what I can do is pay forward your kindness and that’s exactly what I intend to do. No matter how grand or small.

So whilst we didn’t find them, you know what we did find? Love. We were the recipients of so much love and support from people from all over the world. All different football clubs supporters were the first to jump in and help to spread the word. I still receive messages today and they are sent by people who love in many different countries. How is that even possible? Just thank you. Every message of support and well wishes for my dad has really helped a piece of me return and heal. You are wonderful (yes, you!!).

As for my dad. He suffered life changing injuries, I’m sure he won’t mind me sharing. It’s been a shock. But you’ve never met a more positive guy. I never want to divulge his medical issues, so I think that’s explanation enough. Just know that every obstacle that is being put in his way, he’s smashing through them with the grace & strength I can only one day wish to possess.

Life changed in a second. What didn’t change is the love and kindness of people around us. Forever grateful for every single one of you x

P.S. this was the most healing thing I’ve done in a while. Gonna go cry myself to sleep but for the first time in forever, in a really good way!!!

Hello, to you 2 people who are left!!

This is like the virtual walk of shame… it’s been a while.

I’ve been told not to apologise at the start of every post for not posting so long but this has taken the biscuit so the apology is implied.

I’d like to say that this time out has been productivity spent, however that would be a lie – I’ve totally indulged myself, wallowed and been just a general turd (genuine diagnosis – think I should change GP!)

The past 6 months have brought some real shocking and sobering moments and it’s really made me think about how much people are going through and suffering in silence. Mental health can feel very isolating and lonely. It can also make you feel like no one else is going through this – it’s a selfish little bint. But it’s actually a very naive view and it shouldn’t take what’s happened to people I know to realise that.

I was very much in the space of – I hate myself! Not in the sense like, oh hate my body, how I look etc. Like down to the core and the person I have become. That gets you in to a pretty dark place very quickly and I’ve looked up and suddenly we’re in the 5th month of the year and nothing has changed. It’s almost as if nothing is going to change unless I make the change… ? so whilst I’m still not my number 1 fan, I’m going to make those steps to get to know myself and show me some love. I’ve managed to marry one of the kindest men out there, so there must be some redeemable qualities about me.

Pretty sure this is said in every blog post, but excuse the incoherent rambling. This is just a touching base post – I had to post or I feel it’ll never happen. So if you are reading, please know that if you are having relationship issues with yourself, you are loved. You are worthy, and even if you are struggling to love yourself there are a sea of people around you who adore you and you add something to their lives. Even if they don’t tell you, they do!!

Right, I’m off to go and take my own advice.

Thanks for bearing with me and thanks to the amazing people who always message after a post and know I will be your biggest cheerleader in life, for life now!!

Beth x

P.S. thanks Kaz for letting me borrow your cup for picture purposes only, it’s only taken me 4 months to use this pic ?

What an appropriate topic for today! Happy Valentine’s Day you beautiful lot (totally threw up a little there, I do not believe in this made up day but trying to be positive n all that jazz… the picture below is an accurate reflection of my face writing that ?)

Ever heard anything that has made you stop completely and just change your outlook on things? It’s been mentioned before but I absolutely love Red Table Talk on Facebook. There was an episode where someone on it said everyone thinks love is red. Passion, fire! But love is blue. Love is peace. And that absolutely hit in all the feels.

I only have 1 experience of being in truly, madly, deeply love. And I’m so lucky to say that he’s now my husband (it’d be bloody awkward if I didn’t say him!!). The same as many people, I’m sure I’ve thought love was what I felt for a couple of people, and one of them I think was real for who we were then and how deeply we could feel at that moment in our lives, but we were young & I certainly didn’t have the capacity to give my whole self to someone.

So when I met Darren and it felt so natural, so quickly… I fucking panicked. The internal fight in my head of ‘do not let your wall down’ because it’ll hurt so much more when it goes tits up vs ‘be yourself completely’ because what if it blossoms into something more beautiful? Was ever present and I’m so glad to say I made the right decision. Honestly, there were moments I was scared and anxious, because I thought why doesn’t he get jealous? Why doesn’t he shout back at me when I’m being an absolutely unreasonable knob head?! Because growing up, it’s what we’re told isn’t it? When you fight, the making up is great. People are jealous because they care. You see it in the films or in music. Darren never did any of this, and I remember I used to say some things about ‘exes’ (broad term… ?) and he would ask a sincere question back. Not look pissed off, or remotely jealous. Does he even like me?! He would even offer snippets of his life pre-Beth back. The more we spoke and I saw things from his perspective and learnt more of his life. I realised he was just very comfortable with himself and secure. The way he looks at things are so fair and straight forward it baffles me sometimes! But, it’s so beautiful! And I swear, there is no more attractive quality in a person than being secure in themselves and being a genuinely nice human. And that is him in a (ginger)nutshell.

I feel that went a bit off course there, so I’ll try again. Love is peace, love is respect, love is the calm that can sail the worst storms, love is pure. Love is blue.

Happy Day of Love. I hope everyday is Valentine’s Day for you.

Here is me and my Valentine on the honeymoon of a lifetime. It’s about time for his picture to feature on the blog!

*Please note – I only choose blue to represent my love, not my football team ?

First things first. Please reserve the judgement of the hood for someone who cares. Everyone knows that the answer to most questions in life is you should pretend to be a unicorn!

Hello you lovely people & Happy 2019!!

I know I’m a bit late to the party but better late than never ? I feel awful that the blog has been neglected for a few weeks but life has been hectic. I could ramble about moving house, the chaos of Christmas & New Year and just day to day life in general but someone would call bullshit and that would be valid!

For most people, January is a time where people have done a little reflecting come the end of the previous year and now is their time to look forward, set new goals and have a fire lit under their arse. For me, January is always a bad month & I’ve never noticed the pattern until this year. Don’t know what the trigger is, or if it’s pure coincidence but amidst anxiety and sadness is where I find myself.

What is January for you? Have you set resolutions? I usually hate them, I can’t find the right words to describe why (great for someone who wants to be a writer, eh!) but they never seem to be about the important things in life. Take for example, one of the most common ones must be to lose weight. If that was just changed to ‘get healthy’ then that’s instantly better in my mind & seems like it’d be more achievable. I’m just being a judgemental cow who’s making no sense aren’t I?!

With that in mind, my goal (NOT resolution!) looking forward is to start putting together my 30 things to do before I’m 30 list. No time like the present! Number 1 is to make this blog a little community. I would love for it to be a safe space for people to engage with each other and just be a place of love. Now, I think this is a bit of a cheat one on the list because just having 1 person engage would qualify as a community for me! If you have any ideas for said list, suggest away.

I’m sorry it’s yet again not been a very cohesive blog post, but I just needed to post something because as I’m sure it’s been mentioned before – writing is my therapy.

I hope you all fit in to the category of ‘January is a month for new motivation and positivity’ but if you fall into the ‘January is a twat of a month’ one, I’m going to leave you with some incredible words that I think everyone should hear that were sent to me when I reached rock bottom from one of the loveliest girls who recently the world has sadly lost. I felt a bit unsure whether this was appropriate, but I think Faye wouldn’t mind if it meant it made 1 person in this world feel a little better. Also words these powerful were never meant to be heard by just one person.

Please remember you are important. You are valued. You are beautiful. You are you and you are needed in this world.

With love and a heavy heart, Beth x

Hello hello hello!!

Shamefully, it’s been nearly 2 weeks since last posting and I feel horrible!! I’m blaming it all on having a bug, packing up our flat & my general laziness!

Seeing as it’s the alleged most wonderful time of the year, let’s talk about Christmas and along with the joy it brings absolute pressure.

Our Christmas Day consists of all 14 of us going to my mums and being fed a feast worthy of the Gods. The only downside is that means we all had to get 13 people presents. It’s ridiculous and you could tell people were struggling from this expectation. For the last few years we’ve done secret Santa for the adults and it’s made things a lot nicer, everyone a lot less stressed about money & a lot more laughter at the ridiculous things we’ve bought for each other.

Question is – when did it become all about presents, money & the image you put out to the world about how fabulous your crimbo was? (so guilty). Please enjoy today and the time you spend with the people. Enjoy the lovely food that someone has been preparing for 2 days & the fizz that will be anaesthetising said person!

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, whatever you are doing. Whether you are spending it with your family, or your friends who are your chosen family, or by yourself eating a curry from your local take away. There is no right or wrong & people see Christmas as a time that you have to be around family, even if they are toxic and you’ve removed them from your life. Not today Satan, you do you!

Merry Christmas everyone! Thanks for giving me my Christmas present by reading my weird rants!

Love to all x

P.S. to all the grinch’s like me, Christmas is nearly over, 15 hours to go!!!

Hi everyone,

Spike that cup of Joe with some rum, it’s a celebration!

Instead of a cuppa, this posts pic is my first ever ‘wife’ card ❤️

Short & sweet one tonight.

I’ve noticed a recurring theme when it hits people’s birthdays, the inevitable ‘oh no I’m a year older’ or ‘another year away from 20’. Well not for me this year. I’m celebrating!!!

I’m 25!!!!! I made it!!! What a privilege. That’s how I’ll be viewing things from now on. I’ve known too many people who haven’t had this luxury, to hit the next birthday, to see way into their future, for their parents to see them grow. We are the lucky ones, and undoubtedly most of you will be able to think of someone like that in your life. So let’s embrace life for them, let’s wear our new age (no matter how scary it may be) like the cloak of privilege it is. I will be writing a longer post about this one day but I wrote this a few days ago thinking I’d have loads to have & I don’t today.

I’m off to enjoy some time with my husband. AKA I’m going to watch the football & swear like a sailor whilst Darren watches, horrified. Or sky news as I watch on, laughing. Either way, I suspect someone with a surname beginning with ‘M’ is gunna get sacked tonight.

G’night, from a 25 year old united fan x